Was it worth it? These two years have changed how I will live.

My Peace Corps service is coming to a close, and my mom asked a legitimate question: was it worth it?

(If you came here for photos of my service, check them out at this link: https://goo.gl/photos/ShKDPvQWv2aGFjko9 and this link: https://goo.gl/photos/r4XkV9hAeYMpwRSt9 )

Service is a sacrifice, like all choices in life there was an opportunity cost. I gave up many things to spend two years in Kyrgyzstan; so asking this question is appropriate.

In five days I leave Kyrgyzstan. I’ll leave the work I have accomplished, I’ll leave the women I’ve worked with these past two years, I’ll leave my program director, and my language teacher. I’ll leave the small room I’ve lived in for two years. I’ll leave the chickens and that rooster that wakes me every morning earlier than I want, and Ralphy my dog whose barking keeps me up later than I want. And as I write this my eyes are welling because I will have to leave the wonderful friends I have made and the family I have truly become part of here. I’ll leave my host mom who has taken care of me like her own child for two years. I’ll leave Janat and Gulzat, my host brother and sister-in-law who have become my best friends in this small village. I’ll leave Aijamal, their daughter, and Almazbek their son, who I’ve grown closer to than I would have ever imagined. And most heart breaking I will be leaving Ossil, my host niece who has no father and whose mother she’s only seen a handful of occasions, but you’d be hard pressed to ever hear her complain about anything. Ossil has become my youngest sister after Sarah and Emma and will always be, and leaving her is going to be the hardest of all. I know when I do have to say goodbye to her she’ll show not even a flicker of emotion on her face, but deep in her eyes I’ll see the immense sadness of abandonment, another loss in her life, and I know that will crush me. I am not looking forward to leaving. If I could stay longer I would.

There have been times I would have left in a heartbeat. My first year was just one frustration after the other. I wasn’t succeeding at the pace I expected. I felt like I was a failure, and I was right. I thought I could go right in and start telling people how and what to do, my ignorance of how life worked brought frustration and failure. And so I gave up on trying to push my ideas and agendas.

It was when I gave up that I succeeded.

I gave up on trying to accomplish certain aspects of work. With less than a year left of my service I decided instead to focus on my relationships here. I spent more time with my friends and host family. I continued to do work with my organization, but with my focus and attention on the relationships I had with the people I was interacting with, not on the actual material and skills I was trying to transfer. I measured success differently and soon everyday was filled with successes: I spent four hours chatting with my friend and his parents over tea and bread—success! I hoed the potato field for a week with my host family and celebrated with grilled chicken when the field was done—success! I left for work two hours early so that I could stop and talk with everyone on my route to work and still got to work late because of talking with so many people—success! Soon enough I built up true friends and became a real member of the family.

These last few months I’ve noticed something interesting. It seems every project I touch is warmly received and supported by everyone. People listen to me and work with me; I can see their ideas better and approach problems with their perspectives as well. By changing my focus to relationship building I’ve been able to succeed in my original goals far more in the past three months than the previous two years combined. And yet I’ve hardly felt like work has been work because I’ve been doing it with people I love to be around and know their struggles and passions and they know mine.

Was the Peace Corps worth it? You bet it was, it was a long and difficult two-year lesson on life. A lesson that’s left me with some absolutely beautiful relationships and left me ready for more great relationships to come.