This post has been the hardest for me to write. This is the
struggle of the Peace Corps Volunteer. This is the struggle to walk the tight
rope of cultural respect and being conscious of human rights violations. This
is where the idealistic volunteer, aware of the injustices in the world only to
the extent of reading about them in a book, meets the true injustices in the
bitter flesh and the tragic truth. I have been advised not to write this post.
Americans and Kyrgyzstanis alike have told me this fight is useless and I am a
fool if I think otherwise.
Read on to hear the struggle of this fool.
Тынч is the Kyrgyz word for peace. It also means
quiet. I am a fan of peace, but in this instant I cannot be quiet. Too many
hearts are screaming inside bodies with mouths sewn closed. You may not hear
the noise, but quiet it is not.
As a Peace Corps Volunteer, I am here with three specific
goals set by the US Government. 1. To transfer skills. 2. To share US culture
with members of my host community. 3. To share my host community’s culture with
the US. This post is none of these three. You may think, oh hey, it’s the third
one. No. It is not. I am not discussing Kyrgyzstan’s culture. I will be
discussing a practice that should be ended; it is not and should not be part of
the culture.
Earlier this year a 12 year-old girl committed suicide down
the street from my house. It was the second child suicide in the village since
my arrival. I wrote a blog post about it, but before I could do an edit another
tragedy struck the village. A girl from this village was bride kidnapped and
during the getaway the bride kidnapper crashed the car, killing the girl. The
bride kidnapper survived, he was not charged for anything, and the consensus
was that he should have been driving more carefully.
Bride kidnapping is illegal, but quite possibly the least
observed law in all of the country. Either due to a terribly misguided
understanding of historic Kyrgyz culture, or a surprisingly effective attempt
at promoting male chauvinism, bride kidnapping has become so prevalent in
Kyrgyz culture most estimates say between 50-70% of marriages among the ethnically
Kyrgyz are by bride kidnapping. There are two types of bride kidnapping,
consensual and non-consensual. This post is specifically discussing
non-consensual bride kidnapping.
Here is my struggle. Bride kidnapping is without a doubt the
most harmful practice in Kyrgyzstan to everyone in the country, yet few realize
the extent of its harm. People believe it is a central and positive aspect of
the Kyrgyz culture, so criticizing the practice is considered criticizing
Kyrgyz culture. A Kyrgyz person speaking out against it runs the risk of being
ostracized.
Why is bride kidnapping so harmful? Is it really much worse
than arranged marriages? Isn’t it just a different cultural understanding? If
you are asking these questions or similar ones, please continue reading and if
by the end you are not convinced, let me know.
For those of you who really know me, you know the death of a
12 year-old girl is not one I can just let go of. Similarly, the preventable
death of any youth is not just sad to me, but a terrible tragedy and failing of
society. Those who have died are not the only ones suffering from bride
kidnapping, the bride kidnapped women, the men involved, the children, the
families, even the economy and the future generations all suffer. Bride
kidnapping is not a localized issue and it is not a short-term problem.
Women: Non-consensually bride kidnapped women are
raped. Over and over. And this is considered acceptable. It often interrupts or
altogether stops their university education. Economic opportunities are cut
down to none or negligible. These women are no longer treated as humans, but
instead as property.
Men: It may seem irrational, but men suffer from
bride kidnapping as well. They are forced to treat women as less than human and
suffer from the psychological issues connected with that. Bride kidnapping
destroys the potential for men to have a respectful relationship with their
spouses. The practice of bride kidnapping often means men are marrying before
they are ready.
Children: In poorer rural areas, girls are brought up
to expect to one day be bride kidnapped, at a young age girls begin to accept
their future lives at home tending to domestic chores. When this is the only
prospect presented to the girls, there is little drive to pursue education. For
those girls who do pursue their education and make it to university, a bride
kidnapping during their studies means they are never to return. The Kyrgyz say
that the girls can return to university, but it is incredibly rare since most
families require the new bride remain at home for two years before going back
to her parents or university. By this time they have children to raise and
feed, meaning time and money are no longer available for university. Boys are
taught they will be handed everything in life, even a wife. Why work hard for
anything if it will be given to you? Especially school?
Family: It is customary for the youngest son to live
in his parents’ house with his parents and family. Often the bride kidnapped
wife of the youngest son is physically and verbally abused by her
mother-in-law. This results in permanent animosity within the household and
pent up anger within the bride kidnapped wife.
Economy: Kidnapped brides are commonly forced to
remain in the house for the first two years and there after are expected to
take care of the household chores and child rearing. This means for many, they
cannot work or start businesses, meaning fewer laborers and fewer businesses. My
organization works to help these women start businesses, but given the
constraints we can only help women start businesses they can conduct from
within the home. With such a large percentage of the population out of the
workforce, the economy is doomed. Not only are they out of the workforce, but women
also happen to be the higher savers. Statistically women save much more than
men around the world, the cost this has to the Kyrgyzstani savings rate is
significant. A male dominated workforce also means more corruption and
cronyism, a cost itself to the economy and an indirect cost by being a disincentive
for potential foreign investment.
Future Generations: With bride kidnapping, women do
not control the family finances. When women do
control the family finances higher percentages of income go toward the
children’s nutrition, school supplies, academics, and healthcare. Women also
tend to favor sons to a lesser degree than men do, resulting in better health
and education for daughters. Stunted growth among children in Kyrgyzstan is
extremely high, especially among girls. Studies show, were women to have jobs
or businesses and control the family finances, stunting would all but be erased
in Kyrgyzstan.
Certainly, bride kidnapping is not the single factor holding
Kyrgyzstan back from blooming as a successful country, you don’t need a degree
in economics to see that. My point however, is that it does have an impact on far
more areas than meet the eye. Were it to end, Kyrgyzstan would see improvements
in all aspects of life. I’m here to develop Kyrgyzstan on a micro level, so I
will focus on this problem at a micro level, but in reality only a micro change
can be expected from that. Maybe someone interested in developing Kyrgyzstan
will pick up on this at a higher level, кудай буйруса (God willing).
Maybe it’ll be a human rights activist, if so, here is some
fuel to get started:
·
Bride kidnapping is clearly saying that women do
not have the right to their own life, liberty, or security of person.
·
Bride kidnapping is, essentially, slavery.
·
Bride kidnapped brides are categorically
subjected to rape, physical abuse, and verbal assault.
·
Often marriages from bride kidnappings are never
officially registered as marriages, meaning brides do not have rights of inheritance
should their husbands die, or alimony should their husbands desert them.
·
Local police routinely refuse bride kidnapped
brides recognition when they attempt to file a complaint.
·
The marriage is not consensual and studies show
18% of these marriages are with a bride under 18 years old.
·
Bride kidnapping interferes with education, both
before and after the act.
Kyrgyzstan wants peace. Like all places on earth, Kyrgyzstan
deserves peace. But things must get loud. Feelings must be verbalized, voices
must be heard, and change, true change, must occur before Kyrgyzstan can be
quiet.